A Bit of Midnight Poetry

Wow. Neglect. Oops. Also: I just had my first experience with a Starbucks cappuccino. Tastes like warm soy milk with a hint of vanilla. Never again.

Anyway, to my point. I'm taking a Creative Writing Workshop class this semester (it's the only class I haven't routinely skipped so far), and the format is really chill and I love it. The only two assignments we have are as follows: 1) Featured Author presentation, in which you bring in a few pieces and share, then engage the class in extremely off-topic discussions about the horrors of the fast food industry and David Bowie, and 2) the final portfolio, which only has to be twenty-four pages of writing, whether they're finished pieces or not. Easy, right?

So I've had something to share almost every week. Mostly, it's poetry, because my brain works too fast for anything longer. I have been writing poems since high school, and I never really liked any of it until now. Last Tuesday night, around midnight, I wrote a poem that had been rolling around in my head for a few days previous. It finally reached the point where, if I didn't write it down, I'd never be able to sleep again. This happens to me often.

It took me about ten or fifteen minutes to hammer out five, nine-line stanzas, but it felt like something was missing. About a half hour later, I added a sixth stanza, and the work was complete. I shared it in class last Friday, and didn't get nearly as much feedback as I had hoped for (probably because we had a substitute professor, for the first time in my two-year college career, and it was really strange), so I figured that posting it here may help me get some constructive criticism, or any thoughts in general. PLEASE? I AM BEGGING.

Here goes:

The days are harder now
I don't think they ever got easier
And they all grow together
Dull and monotonous
Like a never-ending elevator ride
Going down into the depths
Of the hell I don't believe in
But if the ride never stops
What's the point of the destination?

I'm not sure when you became him
Or he became you
Or if it even happened at all
If it even makes sense
Or maybe I just became something else
Completely different
If I became
Or can still become
Or even if I am anymore

I find that I have to focus on the little things
Like that broken staple on the floor
To distract myself from seeing the big picture
Because the big picture is true
It's my mind
In a frame on the wall
In a small, windowless room
Like the one I sit in to wait for him
But he never comes home

Now I'm sure that you took over
You became what he was
But he'll never be what you are
It's all just a sick, unhealthy obsession
Stemming from a small, windowless room
And a few notes
And the big picture
But he has one thing on you:
Reality

Cleansing the self is a daily ritual
The water is warm but not so hot
That it'll burn off the barrier that protects my heart
From him but not you
You always know what I wish I had the courage
To say or someone to say it to
I think you left a message in the fog on the mirror
But when I step out of the shower
There is nothing

Every night I go to sleep
With a strange taste in my mouth
Like when you're a child
And you go to sleep knowing
That there's a chocolate bar for you in the kitchen
But your mother won't let you
Have sweets before bed
My chocolate bar is 2,391 miles away
And I can't have it either

THE END

Please guys, really. Anyone who reads this blog or randomly stumbles upon it, I would really appreciate if you left some sort of comment. Love it? Hate it? DO I KNOW YOUR PAIN. Let me know! I think the reason my classmates didn't give feedback is because they were to distracted by my other weekly class ritual (and I'm not talking about flaunting my coffee or being a holier-than-thou vegan, because I totally do that too): music appreciation. I think everyone tries to anticipate my interesting taste in music, but they fail.

I've only been doing this regularly for two weeks, but so far I've played "I Am Trying Very Hard to be Here", by AFI (of course! What is music appreciation without my favorite band?) and "The Songs that Saved My Life", by Kill Hannah (another of my favorite bands). This week, I'm toying with the idea of "The Start of Something", by Voxtrot (great song, by the way!).

So again, please, criticize me! I need it! Hell, I'll even take music suggestions; I'm always looking for something new...or something old, as long as the lyrics grab my attention somehow.

A secondary note: I am the webmaster of the Gay-Straight Alliance at my college (Washtenaw Community College, in Ann Arbor, Michigan), and if anyone in the area is interested, we're having a Halloween-themed movie night this Friday, October 29, at 7 PM here at the school. Here's the link.